the real life office

when guest arrive, i ask them who they’re meeting with and then immediately ask if they’d like any water, coffee or tea.  most people decline my offer, which is fine.

here’s where it bothers me:

don’t tell me that you’re all set and don’t want anything from me and then when the appropriate person arrives to bring you back to chat and they inevitably ask the same question.  without even letting them finish, almost half of the people that just denied me the opportunity to leave my desk and walk about to fetch them their beverage say “sure.  a water would be great!”

why would a water be great now and not 45 seconds ago when i asked you?!

do i have cooties?!  jesus sanchez.

he walked in with a canvas bag that was clearly not empty.

“i’ve been slacking lately,” he explained.  i was puzzled by this statement.  i didn’t really know how to respond, so i waited patiently for him to continue.

“i got you a gift!”

he was so excited and nervous.  i slapped on a smile and tried to put him at ease with my own excitement and nervousness.  i mean, who doesn’t like a present?!  as he reached for the contents of the bag in hand, i prepared myself for an appropriate reaction.

“i haven’t been getting my lunch at panera lately and i know how happy these make you,” he explained.  i then found being passed to my hands a jar of kosher dill pickles.  that’s right.  a coworker felt so bad about not providing me with my sporadic surprise snack that he bought me a jar of my very own baby dills.

i’m so lucky to have such a sweet pickle prince.

after being mislead online by the amount of letter trays that were in each order, i found myself on hold with the supply company.  as i waited for my customer service representative to return with my rma number, i heard a familiar tune.  it wasn’t what one would expect to hear while passing time on the phone; certainly not with an office supply company.

and i will do you right
just make a wish, on your night

i immediately found the song in my memories of youth, thanks to my sister and her eternal fandom towards this group.

boyz II men.  “i’ll make love to you”

i collapsed in a fit of laughter.  what else was i supposed to do?

“is your hair red?”

a simple question.  i giggled.

“not naturally, but yes.”

“have you always dyed it red?”

“i did it last in february”

“oh…”

i awkwardly giggled more to fill the space of silence.

finally i asked why…

“i have an appreciation for red heads”

he bends down, lifts his pant leg up and displays a animated red headed fighting character tattooed on his skin, all muscle and punch.

how does one respond to that?  thankfully the phone rang and i didn’t have to.

i almost forgot.

i received a junk email about “cocktail rings” being 25% off.

i’ll let you mull over that one yourself as to what i read that as the first time through.

i can schedule your events, but i can’t make you do them.  just so you know.

i heard the phrase “that thing makes ballsy coffee”.  i love the use of “ballsy” like that.

when i went back to tell a coworker that a man holding a piece of wood was here to see him, another coworker came back with “i have a piece of wood… and it’s just for you.”

the conversation went into whether or not one could eat wood.

that’s when you walk away.

i’ve walked more in the last 16 hrs than i have in a long time and my legs now are sore when i’m just sitting at my desk.  it’s not an enjoyable experience.  i think i have somewhere around 4 miles under my belt.

this is going to be a long week.  the last night of my “rock block” is tonight… thank jesus sanchez.  it’s been a good run, but i’m looking forward to having my life back.

my life being: american idol dinners with my friends (this includes tea and cupcakes)

yes.  that is my social life when i don’t have shows to go to and i’m happy about that.

i’m sure i’ll be more productive at work too.  maybe.  i’ve actually been productive i think.  yay me!

i may have just burped into the phone.  i’m not sure.  i couldn’t tell.

awkward.

concentration goes out the window today.

i leave you only with the following death cab quote:

“fear is the heart of love”

i have tomorrow off and they’re having a temp come in to cover.  i have to train them this afternoon.  i’m that important.

tonight’s goal is to create a picture collage including all the guys i’ve made out with over the last few years.  a few coworkers are trying to set me up and they don’t believe me when i say that i don’t have much of a “type”.  my only requirement is that they’re taller than me.  i’m easy?

i told a coworker that they looked “delicious”. bring it back, people… just don’t tell HR.

i hate training people.  this will take me 5 mins.  she’ll be here for 2 hours.

there is a candy wrapper pinned to my wall that says “you’re allowed to do nothing”.  thank you, dove promises.  i needed some confirmation on that.

the friday mentality is really getting to me today.  i’m sorry for my coworkers having to deal with this.

most of the time, i wish is were more acceptable to go skipping around the office instead of walking.

i think people would be happier.

aaaannndddd

i just swore someone was walking by with a box of tampons…

but it was a dude.  and it was a box of drink mix packets.

i don’t have a poker face.  someone gave me a half bag of skittles and the other guy said “awww”.  i turned about as red as the packaging and couldn’t stop giggling to answer the question of the man standing in front of me.

after having the back and forth of “that sucks”/”this does suck” with the president of the company for a few mins, i get handed what i believe is a card of porn.  apparently this kid is throwing some sort party.  i don’t know.  it looks ghetto.  is that okay to say?

i’m pretty sure i just heard someone exclaim something that i’ve only heard on scooby doo before.

what is going on with this monday?  part of me wants to be saved, but i’m enjoying just rolling with the punches on this one.

sometimes my brain works too fast or it cross communicates what it wants to say with what is actually said and something completely ridiculous comes out of my mouth.

what i was trying to say:
either “i’ll stay on top of it” or “i’ll remind him to look at it”

what i ended up saying:
“i’ll stay on top of him to look at it”

yup.  i’ll stay on top of him.
*head desk*

other than that, i’ve decided no one… no one should be this happy on a monday morning.  and i’m completely swamped.  what gives?!

i’ve been renewed with the passion for the life i used to live.  i missed my youth and suddenly it came knocking at my door.  office hours be damned.  may is turning to be the month of rock.  returning to my old life makes me happy.  i’m sure this will change when i’m half dead and coming into work at 8:30am.  you can shoot me then.

4:30.

i have a headache.

i learned today that my time in not as valuable as others. that’s right. me being busy beyond belief means nothing to certain people.  tasks that they can’t be bothered with are not a problem for me.  and i can read minds, too.  i didn’t know that either.  oh wait, i can’t read minds?  now i remember.  no.  i can’t.  sorry.

sometimes people plan ahead.  sometimes they don’t.  when they don’t, they forget that snapping their fingers doesn’t get them very far and only makes the stress of all the last minute rush worse.

dealing with executives (and some coworkers in general) is worse than dealing with children.  i said it.  i made the comparison to teaching a kid to put away its toys.  if you, as the grown up, continue to clean up after them, they’ll never learn how to pick up after themselves; they’ll always expect someone to come sweeping up the dust behind them.  you just have to leave the mess.

the problem is, sometimes you have very important guests coming in and get told by the president to come in early the next day to make sure everything is in tip top shape.  this includes cleaning up everyone’s messes.  catch. 22.

this week has just been hellish.  i hate the idea of treating people differently because of status.  i never understood the concept of spending hours slaving away to “tidy up” so that someone could be impressed.  don’t get me wrong, i get the fact that i have to twist my way of thinking to what my bosses and companies want me to do.  i’ll dress up and look nice when the occasion calls for it, but you’ll never see me go too far out of my comfort zone with that one.  from time to time i get adventurous (read: lipstick), but overall i’m pretty much a plain jane.  and i like it that way.  i’m very “what you see is what you get”.  i don’t pull too many punches.  i have no poker face.

either way, the week has been hell.  on top of personal stresses that will continue for the next two weeks or so, the whole hoopla of the guests coming into the office (and really the actions of those at the office) has just crushed my spirit.  thank jesus sanchez it’s friday!

it’s actually friday morning now.  i started this at 4:30 thursday.  i was blinded by a headache and barely made it to staying up to watch some shows.  i was kept up by charlie horses and now i have to go put on a nice outfit that requires high heels.  i’m not really supposed to wear jeans today.  whatevs.

yesterday had so many things to share.  the fed ex guy asking me, by my correct name-not sharon, if i liked the movie on golden pond.  my trip to walgreens.  my continuous push of asking people if anyone they know is single.  making gift bags and curling ribbon.  the wall of awesome.

i guess they’ll just have to wait.  i just hope i live to tell the stories.

note: i do not keep tabs on everyone in the office.  i do not know who has asked you if you know where someone is and i do not know why they are missing or where they are, or i wouldn’t be asking you.

please do not get annoyed with me.  you are their supervisor and should know more about the employee’s whereabouts than i do.

“what’s with today, today”?!  jeesh!

“hey girl!”

do not call me girl.

i am so glad i’m not a girly girl.

i think i’d kill myself.

my pants are too big.  they keep falling down.

the bagel guy was here before me, just waiting at the door when i arrived.

i had a bunch of emails about a some vips coming in on friday.

i couldn’t change the dinner reservations because they don’t open until 5:30.

i can’t get the gift bags because we don’t have much to put in them and i can’t leave my desk.

i would appreciate more than 15 mins to print out 5 copies of a 20+ page color presentation.  oh, and asking me to bind it as well is not helping.

i made the car reservation.  at least i did that.

i don’t want to burn and mail your cd.

i need to order the flowers.  thank you, outlook calendar reminder.

if you don’t want people making appointments in your calendar, don’t give them access to it.  also, i didn’t make the appointment, so don’t yell at me.

i forgot about the hotel reservation.  i’ll do that now.

i hate automated recordings/voices.

i don’t care that your hotel belongs to some other corporate hog.

i scheduled the interview sequence.  i know who she’s meeting with.

i don’t care that the bagels were all gone by the time you got here at noon.  please don’t send me emails complaining.

i would rather be in texas.  i cannot wait for that trip.  148 days, or something like that.

there’s a meeting going on out in the common area.

they’re not being disruptive, but i can hear almost everything they’re saying.  some of them are suggestions i’ve made in meetings (the few meetings i’ve attended) since i’ve been here.  grrrr.

and then i heard the word “bagels”

i started to tune them out after that.

while eating a chocolate at lunch today, i received a gift. the wrapper contained a message of hope, promise and inspiration.

it read: you’re allowed to do nothing

i pinned it up at my desk. if anyone ever questions me, i’ll give them the customer care number for dove chocolates.

i can do nothing if i want. so. there.

i saw someone wearing a dunder mifflin shirt in the hallway of our building today.  i basically laughed in his face and i’m not sure why.  i had to hustle it back to my office so that i wouldn’t look too obnoxiously rude.

i guess there’s some sort of humor in wearing that shirt to work, no?

listening to the rain got me into a funk.  it’s never good to be in a funk at work.  you can’t escape it and once you’re in it, no matter how hard you attempt to get out of it, you fail.

the rain is pattering on the roof again and all i want to do is go for a walk on the beach.  put my hood on, reflect, maybe let out a good cry.  i could use one.

so naturally, i make the progression from listening to justin and britney dueting with madonna, dancing my heart out (or as much as i can at my desk) to letting my ears subjected to beautiful, sappy tunes that make my heart swell and my eyes damp.

and it’s not even 3 o’clock yet.  i guess it doesn’t help that i’ve thought it was 2:30 since noon.

my dance class is taking over my mind and body.  i actually have some stuff to do and i can’t stop dancing in my chair.  it doesn’t help that i’ve got britney pumping through my speakers.  oh well.

i just did the only thing a girl can do in a situation like this.  go to the bathroom, wait for it to be in the clear, lock herself in the handicap stall…

and dance like there’s no tomorrow.

don’t tell me i shouldn’t be hogging up the handicap stall.  clearly, there’s something wrong with me, so this seems perfectly acceptable.

for the record, i highly recommend harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay.  i’ve been telling my coworkers that it’s not only really really really funny, but smart as well.  it gives a great look at how screwed up our government system is right now.  it was wonderful.

i have that odd sense that i didn’t have a weekend since i wasn’t home much at all.  i guess that’s a good thing, but still.  i enjoy my lazy days on the couch, catching up on the dvr.  when i ease back into work on monday, i feel a little more refreshed.  i have a mix of relaxed and “i never stopped working” feelings.  i can’t complain.  i spent a lot of time with friends and their kids.  i loved every second of it though, so it was well spent.

i guess today’s just been so crazy that i feel a little thrown back in instead of easing myself back.

oh, mondays.

there are always those coworkers who you have a very fun and ridiculous relationship with that some may just not really understand, but it works for the both of you, so you don’t question it.

“i wore a tie for you” he’ll say to me.

“aww.  that’s so sweet of you” i’ll reply.

like that.  you know what i mean.

today we exchanged words as he was walking out the door.  on his way back he waved.

“i missed you too,” i announced and waved back.

“that’s embarrassing!  i was waving at her.”

uncontrollable laughter erupted.
i’m a winner.

i answer the phone to the voice of an automated/prerecorded woman.

woman who will someday murder me: hi!  my name is julie!

me: no it’s not!  you’re a robot!