the real life office

note: i do not keep tabs on everyone in the office.  i do not know who has asked you if you know where someone is and i do not know why they are missing or where they are, or i wouldn’t be asking you.

please do not get annoyed with me.  you are their supervisor and should know more about the employee’s whereabouts than i do.

“what’s with today, today”?!  jeesh!

“hey girl!”

do not call me girl.

i am so glad i’m not a girly girl.

i think i’d kill myself.

my pants are too big.  they keep falling down.

the bagel guy was here before me, just waiting at the door when i arrived.

i had a bunch of emails about a some vips coming in on friday.

i couldn’t change the dinner reservations because they don’t open until 5:30.

i can’t get the gift bags because we don’t have much to put in them and i can’t leave my desk.

i would appreciate more than 15 mins to print out 5 copies of a 20+ page color presentation.  oh, and asking me to bind it as well is not helping.

i made the car reservation.  at least i did that.

i don’t want to burn and mail your cd.

i need to order the flowers.  thank you, outlook calendar reminder.

if you don’t want people making appointments in your calendar, don’t give them access to it.  also, i didn’t make the appointment, so don’t yell at me.

i forgot about the hotel reservation.  i’ll do that now.

i hate automated recordings/voices.

i don’t care that your hotel belongs to some other corporate hog.

i scheduled the interview sequence.  i know who she’s meeting with.

i don’t care that the bagels were all gone by the time you got here at noon.  please don’t send me emails complaining.

i would rather be in texas.  i cannot wait for that trip.  148 days, or something like that.

there’s a meeting going on out in the common area.

they’re not being disruptive, but i can hear almost everything they’re saying.  some of them are suggestions i’ve made in meetings (the few meetings i’ve attended) since i’ve been here.  grrrr.

and then i heard the word “bagels”

i started to tune them out after that.

while eating a chocolate at lunch today, i received a gift. the wrapper contained a message of hope, promise and inspiration.

it read: you’re allowed to do nothing

i pinned it up at my desk. if anyone ever questions me, i’ll give them the customer care number for dove chocolates.

i can do nothing if i want. so. there.

i saw someone wearing a dunder mifflin shirt in the hallway of our building today.  i basically laughed in his face and i’m not sure why.  i had to hustle it back to my office so that i wouldn’t look too obnoxiously rude.

i guess there’s some sort of humor in wearing that shirt to work, no?

listening to the rain got me into a funk.  it’s never good to be in a funk at work.  you can’t escape it and once you’re in it, no matter how hard you attempt to get out of it, you fail.

the rain is pattering on the roof again and all i want to do is go for a walk on the beach.  put my hood on, reflect, maybe let out a good cry.  i could use one.

so naturally, i make the progression from listening to justin and britney dueting with madonna, dancing my heart out (or as much as i can at my desk) to letting my ears subjected to beautiful, sappy tunes that make my heart swell and my eyes damp.

and it’s not even 3 o’clock yet.  i guess it doesn’t help that i’ve thought it was 2:30 since noon.

my dance class is taking over my mind and body.  i actually have some stuff to do and i can’t stop dancing in my chair.  it doesn’t help that i’ve got britney pumping through my speakers.  oh well.

i just did the only thing a girl can do in a situation like this.  go to the bathroom, wait for it to be in the clear, lock herself in the handicap stall…

and dance like there’s no tomorrow.

don’t tell me i shouldn’t be hogging up the handicap stall.  clearly, there’s something wrong with me, so this seems perfectly acceptable.

for the record, i highly recommend harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay.  i’ve been telling my coworkers that it’s not only really really really funny, but smart as well.  it gives a great look at how screwed up our government system is right now.  it was wonderful.

i have that odd sense that i didn’t have a weekend since i wasn’t home much at all.  i guess that’s a good thing, but still.  i enjoy my lazy days on the couch, catching up on the dvr.  when i ease back into work on monday, i feel a little more refreshed.  i have a mix of relaxed and “i never stopped working” feelings.  i can’t complain.  i spent a lot of time with friends and their kids.  i loved every second of it though, so it was well spent.

i guess today’s just been so crazy that i feel a little thrown back in instead of easing myself back.

oh, mondays.

there are always those coworkers who you have a very fun and ridiculous relationship with that some may just not really understand, but it works for the both of you, so you don’t question it.

“i wore a tie for you” he’ll say to me.

“aww.  that’s so sweet of you” i’ll reply.

like that.  you know what i mean.

today we exchanged words as he was walking out the door.  on his way back he waved.

“i missed you too,” i announced and waved back.

“that’s embarrassing!  i was waving at her.”

uncontrollable laughter erupted.
i’m a winner.

i answer the phone to the voice of an automated/prerecorded woman.

woman who will someday murder me: hi!  my name is julie!

me: no it’s not!  you’re a robot!

i can hear the rain sheeting on the roof.  you would think we were going somewhere over the rainbow or that there should be the scent of low tide seeping into my brain… this is how thunderous it can get.

as all around me seem brought down by this, the promise of what the day holds in my eyes is the opposite.  i see a walk; barefoot, toes in the sand, breathing in the salty sea and deep in thought.  it’s a time to laugh, cry and detox all the issues floating around in my head.  it’s a day of clarity in low visibility.

to me, it’s a beautiful day.

i hate friday afternoons.  i don’t know why i don’t space out my work better and be more of a procrastinator.  i’m too efficient.

can i go now?

disconnected.  my email has not been able to update in almost twenty minutes now.

this wouldn’t bother me much except that i’m trying to book a business trip for four employees and schedule interviews.  what a pain.

i’m having trouble concentrating today.

harold & kumar escape from guantanamo bay opens today.

i’ll be in fenway, enjoying the laughter that will be dumped upon me.

i just want it to be time to go.  the day is always longer when you have something to look forward to

i caved.  i ate a bagel.

it’s friday.  bite me.

it was good too.

yummy salted pretzel bagel.  how i adore thee!

i made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies last night too.

i’ve eaten like 2-3 of them since removing them from the oven.

maybe i’ll walk to the movie theater tonight instead of taking the t.

it’s a goal!

“happy friday,” we all exclaim to each other.

in a place where most genuinely like, maybe even love, their jobs… we all get pretty excited when the f-day rolls around.  the sun is shining, there’s a cool breeze, life is good.  we have two days ahead of us (well, most of us) that are to be filled with smiles.  the rain may be on the horizon, but that won’t stop us or get us down.  we don’t have to be chained to the office, to our chairs, to our desks.

we are free.  or we will be soon enough.

4:56pm means it’s time for sit down dance party to madonna and jt’s “4 mintues to save the world”

or as i think of it… “4 minutes til i go home”

here’s the thing…

i’m a red sox fan.  i wear my red sox sweatshirt when i’m cold in the office.  please don’t talk to me or taunt me about the red sox.  i don’t want to hear it.

i have a special place in my heart for that team and i don’t need to explain myself or my fandom to you.

seriously.  let it go.  i love the team.  i don’t bash other teams.  i don’t taunt or make fun of other teams (not even the yankees).  i’ll pick on individual players i don’t like (even sox players).

just.  stop.  really.  i don’t want to talk to you about it.

we have a vending machine in our office kitchen.  it has junior mints in it.

i cannot resist the creamy mint droplets of heaven, coated in “pure chocolate”.

$.80/week spent on an addiction.  i guess it could be worse.

i did make a box of them last for hours one day.  this is not the case today.

i will gladly insert my dollar and press e2 for the sake of my afternoon sanity.  otherwise, you get unicorns and powerpuff girls (not that there’s anything wrong with those things).

“you can’t hurt me with the things that you do/i’ll pick up dandelions and i’ll give them to you!”

oh bubbles.  you’re my favorite.

i think i want another box of junior mints.

somewhere around march it happens and i can’t shake it until november/december.

i’m of course talking about the urge to wear flip flops constantly.

i live for it.  if i can’t be barefoot, i better be wearing flip flops.

this is when my good ol’ buddy in hr becomes a handy dandy liaison.

“can i wear flip flops?  not beachy flip flops, but nice sandaly ones?”

“i’ll have to find out.  i wore mine yesterday by accident.  i hope we can.”

ohpleasepleaseplease!!!

“hey.  what do you think about everyone being out sick?”

i directed the question quite clearly at one of the two individuals (other than myself) in the kitchen.  as he started to respond, i got the turn around from someone that apparently needs to talk about themselves a lot.

oh my god.  is someone else out?  I’ve had a sore throat and stuffy nose and it’s dripping down and i’m coughing and i just can’t shake it and—

after multiple attempts (you don’t think she took a breath, do you?), i was able to interrupt her enough to let her know that i was talking about the red sox.  the big guy and i continued our conversation and she forced herself to hold in tears of embarrassment.

i hate new people.

more than half my day spent on an extension list.  it is now a 3-tabbed excel spreadsheet.  alphabetical by department, last name and first name.

everyone should be happy now.

to pat myself on the back, because i doubt anyone else will, it is seriously a beautifully put together presentation.  i incorporated the company colors and logo into it and… well, no one’s going to make an extension like this.

though i will complain about this, i’m just happy to have something to do.  as made obvious with yesterday’s 15+ entries, i’m more productive when i have a focused task in front of me.

“are there bagels today?”

i’ve been asked this question twice this morning. monday. wednesday. friday. it’s not that difficult of a pattern to follow. most people just accept that they work from home and are unable to participate in this exciting event. others send “funny” emails back asking if i can come bring them one to their house (you jokesters, you!). today, i was hit with at serious urge to slap someone.

as i sit at my desk, freezing the balls that i don’t even have off–isolated from everyone, i got hit with the following “holier than thou” rant:

no bagels today? the only come on days that i’m not here. why can’t i have a bagel? oh that’s right… i’m working from home today!

seriously?! you want me to feel sorry for you that you don’t get a bagel because you work from home.

nice try, buddy. you’re new too. you shouldn’t be complaining about anything yet. bite me.

how important do you consider your office extension list?  important enough that someone (read: me) should spend a good day and a half to two days making it… just right??

no?

i didn’t think so, but i have to say… it’s not as bad as it sounds.  i thought it would be ridiculous, but i’m making it look pretty cool.  go me!