7.29.08 v4

“do you think he’ll be mad that i ate another boy’s pickle?”

this is perfectly normal to ask a coworker, yes?

it was quite literal, mr. dirty mind.

7.29.08 v3

four things:

one: congrats to my homeboy, coworker and one of the few people that actually read this thing. he and his wife just welcomed a new baby boy into the world recently. i’m expecting to see pictures stat. i think he’s given up on this blog though, since i didn’t update for eight years while i worked on one of the most tedious and stressful projects ever. my apologies, my friend. i hope everyone is happy, healthy and doing well.

two: if you are not watching dr. horrible’s sing along blog, i suggest you do so now. seriously, why are you still reading this. do it!

three: i still am in love with the bret from flight of the conchords. i’m not buying the bs on the site that he’s engaged. i don’t have a ring yet, so that crushes that rumor.

four: is it wrong that i’m excited for this?!

7.29.08 v2

dear women who use the bathroom in the building,

learn how to flush a goddamn toilet.

i thought by now we’d all be grown ups and be able to figure this out.  i mean, sometimes you have to hold it down for a few seconds to get it revved up to go–deal with it.  just wash your hands twice, little miss ocd.  it won’t kill you, trust me.

i don’t need or want to see your used toilet paper from the dump you just took or the used tampon you just yanked out of your clamshell.

unnecessary, i say!

i don’t even like seafood… so there!

thank you kindly,

the bathroom police

7.29.08 v1

i’m the office flirt.  i don’t really deny this, or hide it for that matter.  it’s just my nature to be friendly and sometimes i giggle.  sue me.

there are some who play along and others that are totally clueless.

the latter have been a constant flow of amusement this week.  between the boy that swoons at my desk awkwardly—this post interrupted due to the return of pickle boy!!!!  yay pickles!!!—and used my love of batman (ohmygodgoseethedarkknightonimaxasap) to get my phone number (he wouldn’t leave!) and the farmer (more below), and then there are always the boys who i’m pretty sure have never had a girl say hi to them before… i’ve got my plate full.

so i had a phone conversation that went something like this:

me: hello (….) how may i help you?
farmer: oh, i was looking for the other person with your name, but i got redirected!
me: oh, sorry.  i can see if she’s there?
farmer: well, i’m guessing she’s not… unless she’s screening my calls
me: probably, i usually do that too, but i wasn’t paying attention this time
farmer: oh really?
me: yeah, there’s a red flashing light that says: do not answer, when you call
farmer: you know, i think that means v.i.p.
me: oh, is that what it is?  i’ve clearly been confused all this time.
(awkward silence and hang up)

i couldn’t even make it through typing this without having another awkward moment.

“what are you doing for lunch?  i mean, did you bring your lunch?”
“um, yeah, i already went.  i had to get my car inspected. why, what’s up?”
“oh, nothing.  i was just… i was just seeing what was up.”

umm…. okay?

somedays i get reminded of lipstick day.  oh, lipstick day.