this is perfectly normal to ask a coworker, yes?

it was quite literal, mr. dirty mind.

one: congrats to my homeboy, coworker and one of the few people that actually read this thing. he and his wife just welcomed a new baby boy into the world recently. i’m expecting to see pictures stat. i think he’s given up on this blog though, since i didn’t update for eight years while i worked on one of the most tedious and stressful projects ever. my apologies, my friend. i hope everyone is happy, healthy and doing well.

two: if you are not watching dr. horrible’s sing along blog, i suggest you do so now. seriously, why are you still reading this. do it!

three: i still am in love with the bret from flight of the conchords. i’m not buying the bs on the site that he’s engaged. i don’t have a ring yet, so that crushes that rumor.

four: is it wrong that i’m excited for this?!

learn how to flush a goddamn toilet.

i thought by now we’d all be grown ups and be able to figure this out.  i mean, sometimes you have to hold it down for a few seconds to get it revved up to go–deal with it.  just wash your hands twice, little miss ocd.  it won’t kill you, trust me.

i don’t need or want to see your used toilet paper from the dump you just took or the used tampon you just yanked out of your clamshell.

unnecessary, i say!

i don’t even like seafood… so there!

thank you kindly,

the bathroom police

there are some who play along and others that are totally clueless.

the latter have been a constant flow of amusement this week.  between the boy that swoons at my desk awkwardly—this post interrupted due to the return of pickle boy!!!!  yay pickles!!!—and used my love of batman (ohmygodgoseethedarkknightonimaxasap) to get my phone number (he wouldn’t leave!) and the farmer (more below), and then there are always the boys who i’m pretty sure have never had a girl say hi to them before… i’ve got my plate full.

so i had a phone conversation that went something like this:

me: hello (….) how may i help you?
farmer: oh, i was looking for the other person with your name, but i got redirected!
me: oh, sorry.  i can see if she’s there?
farmer: well, i’m guessing she’s not… unless she’s screening my calls
me: probably, i usually do that too, but i wasn’t paying attention this time
farmer: oh really?
me: yeah, there’s a red flashing light that says: do not answer, when you call
farmer: you know, i think that means v.i.p.
me: oh, is that what it is?  i’ve clearly been confused all this time.
(awkward silence and hang up)

i couldn’t even make it through typing this without having another awkward moment.

“what are you doing for lunch?  i mean, did you bring your lunch?”
“um, yeah, i already went.  i had to get my car inspected. why, what’s up?”
“oh, nothing.  i was just… i was just seeing what was up.”

umm…. okay?

somedays i get reminded of lipstick day.  oh, lipstick day.

go figure that i have a great idea to kill some time between projects and it gets crushed by actually having to do work. the nerve!

the recent long weekend was welcomed with open arms, yet the four day work week that just concluded seemed to last a lifetime. everyone was pretty screwed up as to what day it was, we had bagels 3 out of the 4 days, i went for lots of walks and then wrapped it up by rolling up my jeans and playing “sock hop girl” on friday (including a music playlist to match). friday was a magic day that made me smile with excitement. i can be such a girl sometimes.

i finally started recording on saturday and have continued to add to the songs we began to create today. so far we just have some rhythm guitar parts recorded, but seeing as we had nothing when we started (not even an idea really), we saw it as a success.

this summer is already shaping up to be a busy one. so far, i have the following:

-work
-playing for the bside softball team (i was promoted from scorekeeper. yay me!)
-i’ve started meeting my friends for dinner/drinks on tuesdays, so that will still happen
-a wedding
-a graduation party
-a trip to toronto to see the red sox (did you hear it’s the same weekend as the toronto beer festival? good timing, no?)
-getting everything ready for the austin city limits festival trip
-spending time with friends (and family–but not too much time)

that was more a mental list for me. sorry.

as far as work goes:

-i have a creepy stalker who randomly shows up at my desk… or my car
-the afternoon fedex guy is far too chatty and says weird things like referring to something as “very manly” when trying to say someone is gay.
-it’s been a bad combo of hot and cold in the office and i’m hoping not to get sick again
-i’ve been dancing at my desk, in my chair, more often
-i’ve begun asking “what are your thoughts on _______?” questions that are completed with things like ashlee simpson, huey lewis & the news, celine dion, etc.
-most people think i’m insane when i ask above questions

i think that’s everything. here’s to june. this inevitably means that i will just complain a lot about it being too hot outside and too cold inside. yay summer… grrr

-boston college graduation traffic.  stupid.  out of towners honestly thinking their gps systems will help navigate them in the city (rarely works well).  in the process of fiddling with their toys, they almost hit oncoming traffic (aka: me and the hundred something other commuters)

-espresso/coffee machines: they’re always broken.  i don’t care anymore.

-why am i beginning to come to the conclusion that adults are worse than children?  you can teach kids the lesson of cleaning up after themselves.  they may cry for a bit, but you can reason with them and they learn to pick up their messes.  adults just bitch and moan about it and eventually the same 2 people end up cleaning everything up.  i don’t care anymore.

-please don’t change our delivery schedule.  why did you do that?  son of a jesus sanchez!  now i’m going to have to hear people complain (just like i am, you’re thinking?  yes.  exactly.)

-i’m listening to the most nostalgic mix of late ’80s/early ’90s music including the jets, klymaxx, lisa lisa and the cult jam, nkotb, debbie gibson, janet jackson, paula abdul, lionel richie, expose and brenda russell.  i love it.

-there was no pretzel bagel.  it’s my favorite.  after interrogating me as to why you haven’t yet received the check i mailed out, the least you could’ve done was included my favorite bagel.

-no one else likes low fat cream cheese, so i will probably not be making it top priority to make more of the regular cream cheeses low fat.

-the alarm company is totally screwing with me and everyone today.  way to go guys… appreciate it.  between random alarms going off and the door locking and unlocking, you’re really on top of things.

-putting up a note and not telling anyone will not solve problems.

-does anyone plan ahead anymore?  answer: no.

-i don’t feel well.  i totally have a fever.  i want to go back to bed.

come on baby, let’s get away.  save our troubles for another day.

why won’t someone take me on an escapade?

weird dude walks by the office, staring at me. no lie. staring. he doesn’t work at my company, so i just assume that i can ignore him… but he kept staring.

fast forward and one of my coworkers comes walking back from a break…with the creepy, stalking, staring guy!!!!!

“he wanted me to introduce him to you”

sure enough, he did just that. in her defense, she came up and apologized to me later saying that he started to follow her in and she couldn’t come up with a fast enough excuse as to why she couldn’t introduce us.

rumor now has it that this guy is looking into possibly applying for a position here. yeah… no.

to really bring this one home… the other fed ex guy called me sharon. i don’t know if that’s just their go to name or if i should just change my name.
fri

longest day in the history of ever. creepy dude walked by the office at least 4 times. i came in late because i had to go to preschool first. that part of the day was awesome. i wish i could’ve stayed. at least they get nap time.

it was pay day, which meant that stubs were flying all over the place and people were claiming things were missing, etc.

clearly i’m cheating and writing this on monday… this means that friday is a completely lost memory now.

here’s where it bothers me:

don’t tell me that you’re all set and don’t want anything from me and then when the appropriate person arrives to bring you back to chat and they inevitably ask the same question.  without even letting them finish, almost half of the people that just denied me the opportunity to leave my desk and walk about to fetch them their beverage say “sure.  a water would be great!”

why would a water be great now and not 45 seconds ago when i asked you?!

do i have cooties?!  jesus sanchez.

“i’ve been slacking lately,” he explained.  i was puzzled by this statement.  i didn’t really know how to respond, so i waited patiently for him to continue.

“i got you a gift!”

he was so excited and nervous.  i slapped on a smile and tried to put him at ease with my own excitement and nervousness.  i mean, who doesn’t like a present?!  as he reached for the contents of the bag in hand, i prepared myself for an appropriate reaction.

“i haven’t been getting my lunch at panera lately and i know how happy these make you,” he explained.  i then found being passed to my hands a jar of kosher dill pickles.  that’s right.  a coworker felt so bad about not providing me with my sporadic surprise snack that he bought me a jar of my very own baby dills.

i’m so lucky to have such a sweet pickle prince.